I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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