Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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