the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
