my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
