He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
