can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
