I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
