woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
