Nicole vs. Life
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
