the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the day after is always just damage control
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
