You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He shit in the fireplace
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize