Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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