i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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