I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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