there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
