After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
