I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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