ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
