I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
