I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
