Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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