i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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