no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
