In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
