I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize