if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
