next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
