I'm jealous of your bromance
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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