her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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