I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
