so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
