i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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