the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
