morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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