6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize