Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
