Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
