i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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