i barfeds in our rink
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
