mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
