Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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