so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize