I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
