...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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