I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
