Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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