Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
