I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
