This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
