the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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