u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
