just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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