Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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