my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
