Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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