You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
