I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
my poor anus
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize