Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
