So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
