So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
