My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize