No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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