Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
