There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Everyone says I win the strip club
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
