i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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