not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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