If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
