I'm lost and stupid without you.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
