I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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