Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
