Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
