weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
