he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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