I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
