I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
