Don't you send me to vm
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
