i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
