i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
