I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize