just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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